Amoris Laetitia: On Love in the Family Apostolic Exhortation by Pope Francis
This 240-page book contains the post-synodal Apostolic Exhortation by Pope Francis offering pastoral guidance to help families grow together in their faith and to encourage them in the face of mounting challenges, as well as highlighting insights from the two-year process of the Synod on The Family. This document is addressed to bishops, priests, deacons, consecrated persons, Christian couples, and all the lay faithful; however, it is directed primarily to those engaged in family apostolate and to families themselves, with a recommendation that each part be “read patiently and carefully.”
[1]
My paper will provide an overview of the entire document’s beautiful teachings, which fosters greater understanding and appreciation for sacramental marriage and the role of the domestic family. It will also demonstrate that Francis has taken an approach of interpreting things in continuity with Church teaching. He is not advocating, as some suggest, a major rupture with Sacred Scripture and Tradition. In fact, one of the best descriptions of sacramental marriage I have come across is found in the controversial eighth chapter:
Christian marriage, as a reflection of the union between Christ and his Church, is fully realized in the union between a man and a woman who give themselves to each other in a free, faithful and exclusive love, who belong to each other until death, are open to the transmission of life, and are consecrated by the sacrament, which grants them the grace to become a domestic church and a leaven of new life for society. [2]
Overview of Content
There are nine chapters in
Amoris Laetitia, beginning with a three-page introduction and ending with fourteen pages of endnotes. The “Our Sunday Visitor” edition of this book also contains a fourteen-page section of discussion questions, which is ideal for small group or family use to aid in reflection and deeper understanding of the subjects covered. In addition, these questions provide practical suggestions for acting upon new insights.
The introduction sets the tone in its first sentence: “The Joy of Love experienced by families is also the joy of the Church.”
[3] This section also provides background information to address a complex array of “doctrinal, moral, spiritual and pastoral”
[4] issues. Francis explains that because of the document’s length – made necessary due to the wide variety of issues addressed in different ways – it should not be read hastily. Instead, it is meant to be “read patiently and carefully”
[5] so that all will come to realize that “families are not a problem; they are first and foremost an opportunity.”
[6]
Chapter One, “In the Light of the Word,” uses many references to Old and New Testament passages to clearly reveal the deep reality of the human family as a living reflection of the triune God, who is a communion of love. Francis said, “the fruitfulness of the human couple is a living and effective ‘image,’ a visible sign of [God’s] creative act”
[7] and that “fruitful love becomes a symbol of God’s inner life.”
[8] Sexual union is shown to be voluntary self-giving, where two spouses become one, “both physically and in the union of their hearts and lives, and eventually, in a child, who will share not only genetically but also spiritually in the ‘flesh’ of both parents.”
[9] The icon of the Holy Family represents what each family can aspire to in their brokenness – as they face pain, evil and violence, and strive to become a domestic church: a place of comfort, companionship, tenderness, and mercy.
Chapter Two, “The Experiences and Challenges of Families,” looks at the impact of anthropological-cultural changes on the social structures that have resulted in widespread uncertainty and ambiguity. A major consequence of these changes is the fear of commitment and self-centeredness that “degenerates into an inability to give oneself generously to others.”
[10] Francis and the Synod Fathers call for an “analytic and diversified approach”
[11] to address the resulting negative factors affecting our understanding of the family. Individuals feel more and more isolated, abandoned, overworked, and stressed. There is great reluctance to have children because of life-style and financial considerations. The unborn, elderly and anyone who is not a productive member of society are at risk. Francis sees the strengthening of families as a source of hope and an answer to the threats against human dignity, community values, and moral progress.
Chapter Three, “Looking to Jesus: The Vocation of the Family,” summarizes the Church’s teaching on marriage and the family using numerous references from Sacred Scripture and the
Catechism as well as quoting the Church Fathers, Saint Thomas Aquinas, the Second Vatican Council, Paul VI, Saint John Paul II, and Benedict XVI. He also quotes the Synod Fathers: “It is particularly helpful to understand in a Christocentric key… the good of the spouses”
[12] and he continues by saying that this “includes unity, openness to life, fidelity, indissolubility and, within Christian marriage, mutual support on the path towards complete friendship with the Lord.”
[13] Francis clearly identifies family as the “domestic church” in this chapter:
Within the family ‘which could be called a domestic church’ (Lumen Gentium. 11), individuals enter upon an ecclesial experience of communion among persons, which reflects, through grace, the mystery of the Holy Trinity. ‘Here one learns endurance and the joy of work, fraternal love, generous – even repeated – forgiveness, and above all divine worship in prayer and offering of one’s life’ ( Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1657). [14]
Chapter Four, “Love in Marriage,” at forty-two pages in length, is the longest chapter. It discusses the transformation of love, using Saint Paul’s famous passage about love from First Corinthians (1 Cor 13:4-7). Love is patient, but that “does not mean letting ourselves be constantly mistreated, tolerating physical aggression or allowing other people to use us.”
[15] Francis quotes Saint Ignatius: “Love is shown more by deeds than by words.”
[16] Love does not see others as a threat and rejoices in their gifts and happiness. Love is not self-centered or self-serving; it seeks to build up others. “In family life, the logic of domination and competition… destroys love.”
[17] Love knows how to listen and is “capable of speaking words of comfort, strength, consolation, and encouragement.”
[18] Love is generous – it can “transcend and overflow the demands of justice.”
[19] Love is not irritable or resentful. Francis suggests: “Our first reaction when we are annoyed should be one of heartfelt blessing, asking God to bless, free and heal that person.”
[20] Love seeks to understand other people’s weaknesses and is always ready to forgive. Francis tells us when Saint Paul says that love bears all things, “it has to do with
the use of the tongue… Being willing to speak ill of another person is a way of asserting ourselves, venting resentment and envy without concern for the harm we may do.”
[21] Love requires trust and believes all things, but it does not naïvely accept deceit, falsehood, and lies. Love hopes for the future and looks for some good in the evil we must endure in this life. Finally, love endures all things, meaning: “In family life, we need to cultivate that strength of love which can help us fight every evil threatening it.”
[22]
Francis ends the fourth chapter with a section on the importance of conjugal love, strengthened by the gift of grace, nurtured by being truly present, enriched by open and candid communication, sustained through true affection and concern for each other, and enlivened with pleasure or passion that is marked by fidelity, respect, and care.
Chapter Five, “Love Made Fruitful,” discusses being open to new life: “The love of parents is the means by which God our Father shows his own love. He awaits the birth of each child, accepts that child unconditionally, and welcomes him or her freely.”
[23] The feminine genius of motherhood (with tenderness and compassion), just as the presence of a strong father (with authority and affection) are both essential to a well-functioning, healthy family and to society. It is important for all parents to accept, love, and care for their children, but the domestic church has an added “special role of preparing for the coming of God’s kingdom in our world.”
[24] Francis goes on to remind us that: “The virtuous bond between generations is the guarantee of the future, and is the guarantee of a truly humane society.”
[25] While it is important that a new couple be given legitimate privacy and independence to “become one,” it is also important to preserve good relations with the wider family.
Chapter Six, “Some Pastoral Perspectives,” deals with the sin, sorrow, desolation, and loneliness caused by specific life changes and challenges. As the domestic family, we are called to sow the seeds (cf. Mt 13:3-9) of conversion and faith – the rest is up to God. Francis and the Synod Fathers want families to know that:
“The Church wishes, with humility and compassion to reach out to families and ‘to help each family to discover the best way to overcome any obstacles it encounters… [and] highlighted the fact that evangelization needs unambiguously to denounce cultural, social, political and economic factors… The main contribution to the pastoral care of the families is offered by the parish, which is the family of families, where small communities, ecclesial movements and associations live in harmony.’” [26]
An issue that needs special attention is the preparation of engaged couples for marriage, so that they fully realize the beauty of this sacrament and can live it out with dignity and grace. Francis points out that all too often, young couples expend disproportionate effort and resources on the trappings of the ceremony without giving sufficient time and attention to the more significant spiritual dimension and practical long-term considerations. To ensure that the couple can successfully overcome obstacles and grow in their love and fidelity, they need to “grasp that the wedding is just the beginning.”
[27] Moreover, in most areas, accompaniment after the ceremony is almost non-existent. Francis ends this chapter with a discussion of the crises, worries and difficulties that a family may face at some point: old wounds, separation, divorce, abandonment, mixed-faith issues, and the death of a loved one. These are best faced by families together.
Chapter Seven, “Towards a Better Education of Children,” examines the need for care and education of children. Francis stresses the critical issue that all children must be accepted, loved and cared for, as well as the need for their ethical formation. This chapter contains a section that deals with misbehavior and its consequences, including the significance of achieving balanced discipline. The need for sex education is also covered, with attention to offering it “at a proper time and in a way suited to [the child’s] age.”
[28] Last, but not least, families have the primary responsibility for handing on the faith to their children and fostering a missionary spirit that will “enable [the families] to be both domestic churches and a leaven of evangelization in society.”
[29]
Chapter Eight, “Accompanying, Discerning and Integrating Weakness,” is the chapter that contains the controversial section regarding “irregular” situations. It is important to note, however, that the first paragraph of this chapter wonderfully positions Catholic teaching: “Although [the Church] constantly holds up the call to perfection and asks for a fuller response to God,”
[30] she must also be a place of mercy and refuge for those who are lost or in need of healing. There is an excellent section in this chapter which highlights the need and approach for pastoral care using a proposal of Saint John Paul II known as the “law of gradualness”:
“… in the knowledge that the human being ‘knows, loves and accomplishes moral good by different stages of growth.’ This is not a “gradualness of law” but rather a gradualness in the prudential exercise of free acts on the part of subjects who are not in a position to understand, appreciate or fully carry out the objective demands of the law. For the law is itself a gift of God which points out the way, a gift for everyone without exception; it can be followed with the help of grace, even though each human being ‘advances gradually with the progressive integration of the gifts of God and the demands of God’s definitive and absolute love in his or her entire personal and social life.’” [31]
Francis explores a variety of pastoral approaches that would make it possible to allow the baptized who are divorced and civilly remarried to be “more fully integrated into Christian communities… while avoiding any occasion of scandal.”
[32] These individuals should feel welcomed and loved – not like they have been excommunicated. We are all sinners, and all must be able to “live and grow in the Church and experience her as a mother… who takes care of [us] with affection and encourages [us] along the path of life and the Gospel.”
[33] Francis encourages pastors and all the faithful to stop thinking of everything in terms of black and white, which can cut off charity and sanctifying grace. He instead suggests that: “without detracting from the evangelical ideal, there is a need to accompany with mercy and patience the eventual stages of personal growth as these progressively appear,”
[34] to help individuals to live better lives as they seek God’s will and cultivate a life of grace and charity by cooperating with the Holy Spirit.
The last chapter, The Spirituality of Marriage and the Family,” at ten pages in length, is the shortest chapter. It is a hopeful expression of the possibilities for those striving to live the vocation of family with love and fidelity. “Each spouse becomes for the other a sign and instrument of the closeness of the Lord, who never abandons us.”
[35] As a couple grows together in holiness, their experience of belonging completely to one another is expanded, and their whole married life as well as their family are transformed into an experience of “sharing in the full life of the resurrection…[and] the hidden presence of the risen Lord.”
[36] They are a sign of grace and witnesses of the faith for each other, for their children, and for their larger family. This process of growth never ends as we “keep striving towards something greater than ourselves and our families.”
[37]
Principle of Continuity
Because of all the media attention to the controversial sections of the eighth chapter, many people think this Apostolic Exhortation is limited to only issues about divorce, remarriage, and discerning “irregular” situations. “An isolated reading of chapter eight that interprets the text out of its context… betrays the very lack of reflection against which the Pontiff himself warns.”
[38] Focusing on this controversy detracts from the beautiful message of fidelity to the “Gospel of the family”
[39] provided by a unified reading of this complex document. In fact, Francis provides a strong message within the chapter to specifically avoid such distractions and misinterpretations:
“In order to avoid all misunderstanding, I would point out that in no way must the Church desist from proposing the full ideal of marriage, God’s plan in all its grandeur… A lukewarm attitude, any kind of relativism, or an undue reticence in proposing [the ideal of sacramental marriage] would be a lack of fidelity to the Gospel and also of love on the part of the Church... To show understanding in the face of exceptional situations never implies dimming the light of the fuller ideal or proposing less than what Jesus offers to the human being. Today, more important than the pastoral care of failures is the pastoral effort to strengthen marriage and thus to prevent their breakdown.” [40]
Throughout
Amoris Laetitia, Francis is clear that he is not introducing new doctrine or changing Church teaching. On the first page of the Introduction, Francis states: “Unity of teaching and practice is certainly necessary in the Church.” Francis emphasizes in Chapter Two that “We have been called to form consciences, not to replace them.”
[41] As stated above, Chapter Three is dedicated to the Church’s teaching, from Scripture and Tradition, on marriage and the family. We are reminded in Chapter Six that, when separation or divorce seem to be the only recourse for a couple” [t]he Christian community’s care of such persons is not to be considered a weakening of its faith and testimony to the indissolubility of marriage; rather, such care is a particular expression of its charity.”
[42] With regard specifically to the section in the eighth chapter that deals with “The Discernment of ‘Irregular’ Situations,” Francis declares:
“Naturally, if someone flaunts an objective sin as if it were part of the Christian ideal, or wants to impose something other than what the Church teaches, he or she can in no way presume to teach or preach to others; this is a case of something which separates from the community (cf. Mt 18:17). Such a person needs to listen once more to the Gospel message and its call to conversion.”
Francis makes a wise observation in the sixth chapter about the mission of love in the family: “The more the couple tries to listen in conscience to God and his commandments (df. Rom 2:15), and is accompanied spiritually, the more their decision will be profoundly free of subjective caprice and accommodation to prevailing social mores.”
[43] He ends the book with a “Prayer to the Holy Family” and a request that “we never lose heart because of our limitations, or ever stop seeking that fullness of love and communion which God holds out before us.”
[1] Francis, Apostolic Exhortation
Amoris Laetitia: On Love in the Family. (Huntington, IN: Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Division, 2016), ¶7.
[6]Address at the Meeting of Families in Santiago de Cuba (Sept. 22, 2015):
L’Osservatore Romano, Sept 24, 2015, p. 7, quoted in Francis, Amoris Laetitia, ¶7.
[38] José Granados, Stephan Kampowski, Juan José Pérez-Soba,
Accompanying, Discerning, Integrating: A Handbook for the Pastoral Care of the Family According to Amoris Laetitia, Translated by Michael J. Miller. (Steubenville, OH: Emmaus Road Publishing, 2017), Introduction